Eulogy

The eulogy I wrote for my very-much-alive boyfriend reads like a loving roast delivered at his imaginary funeral, exactly the kind of theatrical nonsense he’d want. I captured him perfectly: a man so dramatic he asked for a eulogy “just to see what people would say,” as if he’s rehearsing for his own Netflix special. My tribute celebrates his finest qualities: his stubbornness, his chaos, his ability to turn even basic tasks into full‑scale emergencies, with the affectionate tone of someone who has witnessed his nonsense up close and still chooses to stay. It’s funny, it’s unfiltered and it honours him in the most accurate way possible: by acknowledging that if he ever did die, it would probably be because he tried to fix something he absolutely should’ve left alone.